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I'm on a spiritual journey

My next (first) step towards spiritual alignment and journey.

All the time. 

I'm on a journey to find my spiritual gift. Because there is more to me than simply being a healer. You will be a healer if you don't have some clairvoyant or clairsentient superpower spiritual gift. And me being a nurse, it just makes it too damn easy. 

It's not like I want to talk to dead people today. Honestly, that would scare the shit out of me as much as I think it's cool. It's just I'm so drawn to spirituality and have been pursuing a spiritual career path my whole life (the reality is I'm a psych nurse, pursuing a psych NP certificate). For as long as I can remember. Even when I was a little girl. That and my inner entrepreneurial fire in me never stops burning. I believe there's so much more to my purpose than educating patients on psychotropic medication and constantly triaging them for suicidal thoughts. I am curious to know what happens in a hyper-religious/spiritual schizophrenic mind that talks about voices and visions.

That and, of course, drinking wine, coffee, and green tea on the regular. 

For the past 4 years, I've been on this online wellness coaching/blogging business venture that never took off. My peers, the ones I've started with and been friends with, are well on their way to making a living and seeing their efforts pay off. I hate to compare myself, but I've always wondered why I couldn't achieve the success other people have? Then I would come up with an answer (not an excuse): I just had a baby (in fact, for some time, I was having babies left and right), I was in my master's program (and now pursuing that often coveted NP title in the nursing world), I drive a lot, I don't get no rest, etc.

And as much as I know in my heart, they are reasons, not excuses, for why I'm always in start-up mode, deep inside me, I know something's missing in this pursuit, which is often the reason I lose my drive in the middle of my goal slaying actions and move on to the next big shiny object just do it all over again. After some much-needed reflection and stepping away from the madness, I've concluded that I wasn't in alignment with who I really wanted to be and how I wanted my business to be. I am a writer and will always write because that fills my heart and nourishes my soul. I am passionate about wellness and spirituality because discovering and living your purpose is what you are here for. It's your one and only key to self-actualization. Instead, I got caught up frantically with the social media craze of what's trending (e.g., FB groups, IG), following the so-called gurus, paying for premium group membership just to be able to blast people with "ad-like" posts that the groups I've settled into turned out to be just businesses blasting their services to other businesses. Value posts are forced. It was a graveyard of ads cloaked in some women entrepreneur networking group. 

 And I lost my drive. I don't even like social media to begin with. I just love to write. But somehow, I was told this is the only way to grow a business if you don't wanna run ads. However, the money I paid into being in this group I could've spent on ads. I could have learned a thing or two about it.

So I lost my way. But I still believe this is a lesson learned for me. I'm optimistic because I don't want to feel like the time, energy, and money I spent on these things are wasted resources.  

Amidst this realization, I decided I gotta get back to me, my inner being, my Higher-Self, my spirit guide, the writer inside me who's patiently waiting to tell a story. And to do that, I have to start again from square one to establish a spiritual practice (journaling and meditating have always been my go-to) that works for me and my depleted, exhaustive schedule so I can share the most authentic, heart and soul-centered stories with you.  

This is where I'm at. Re-routing my spiritual journey one day at a time. Once I open myself up to this realm, great things will be revealed in time, and I don't have to worry about searching for clarity. By then, I would've already found me. 


XOXO,

Wella





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